King_of_Fools's Datingish

+ Moved +

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:10:01 GMT

You may find me, if you wish at dead--rapunzel.blogspot.com. It just happens that entires are actually posted at that site. I use this account merely to comment and interact with the blogs I'm already subscribed to. :)

+Dilemma+

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:25:53 GMT

I've just been struck with a very interesting realization. For the last two or three years everytime I started to like a guy when I realized he returned the feelings a switch inside myself would flip itself off. I would just not be able to have the feelings again, some kind of defense mechanism hardwired inside of myself. So, I'd either immediately stop liking them as anything more than a friend or I'd ruthlessly tease them letting it turn for the worse... I won't deny I can be slightly horrible at times. I can do plenty to push people away, and I will succeed without a doubt.

I'm used to doing things like that, but in the scenario I'm in right now... well, it's not like that. Perhaps I should explain the situation. I like a guy friend quite a lot, he's handsome, kind, funny, sweet, etc. He either has a girlfriend or will go back to her after their break, it's kind of fuzzy. They just can't be together now cause of distance... The problem isn't that I like him, I got myself to move passed that and just enjoy talking to him and hangin' out with him. Because he's fun to chat with and he's one of the few people I can confide in about work stuff, because he isn't brainwashed. No problem, right? I thought it was a pretty sweet setup. I mean he's really an awesome person, and everything.

Until he decided to put a move on me. Long story short the night consisted of off and on making out, and him trying to sleep with me. Which I've now decided I'm going to do. I know, I sound like a horrible person. But here's what I don't get, I've never found someone who I'd even think twice about sleeping with before. The sheer fact I haven't tried to push him away amazes me. It also kind of saddens me more, because while he will be mine for a night... he won't really be mine. I'll have my dream guy for a night, and then like a dream he will vanish and be someone else's again. I know that no matter what anyone says my mind is already made up, it's going to happen.

My head keeps telling me, "Do it, do it, do it." and my heart merely replies with a, "Whatev. I don't care." It's been so long since I've even been slightly close to letting anyone close to me in any way that my head and heart can't be consciouses because they've forgotten how. I guess what I'm saying is my soul is already set on this, but if that's the case... why is it telling me to do something that could possibly be considered morally wrong? While they're on a 'break' or whatever, I know I won't get anything more out of it than a night of 'fun', and ditchin' the virginity thing. Sure the night with him before was fun, and I don't doubt this will be any less fun... I still can't get the nervousness out of my system, though I think it's more because of the first time factor. I just... don't know why it had to be him that I have my heart set on to be with first. Why couldn't it have been different, someone who wasn't already tied down? That's the thing though, my heart is set on him to do this with. That means it'll happen whether I'm ready or not, because I know myself and when a decision is made... that's it, it's done. I would have prefered it to have been someone who wasn't already taken though... Oh well, not everything works out the way we want it to.

+ 9/11 +

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:14:00 GMT

So, I was reading the comments on Paul Partisan's 9/11 entry and was surprised at the violent hate comments back and forth. Call me crazy, but that's not really what 9/11 is supposed to be about. It's supposed to be about taking some time to thank the people who lost their lives trying to save others, mourn lost loved ones, etc. It's supposed to be a day to bring people together and forget their differences.

I understand that not everyone loves the United States, and that's fine. But to say that we deserved to be attacked is crazy, last I had checked we were minding our own business, we were the ones attacked for our differing views and beliefs of a country thousands of miles away from us. No one deserves to die in a fiery blaze, or in the collapse of a building, or a crashing of a plane. No one deserves to be murdered, for no reason.

One of the things I found most interesting was the fact that someone claimed that the Flag an the Pledge of Allegience is unconsitutional, which always makes me laugh. It's not unconstitutional in any way, shape, or form. Its shows the union of our states and how we make up a whole, and work together. Whether anyone likes it or not, the United States was founded by a group of Christians, oh no. There's no reason to tear down what the founding fathers built and worked so hard for just because a few people believe it's unfair to have to say the word God when saying a pledge. No one forces you to say it, we ask you stand, and shut your trap. That is all. To get rid of such would be tearing down our history, we aren't going to change our past for new immigrants, because they want to change us to like the country they left. If you want a place where you can say what you want and that's like your old country... go back and start your own revolution. Change your own place to fit your needs, don't come here and tear us down and claim we're unconstitutional because we won't change something that's lasted over 200 years for someone who's been here a couple.

The work you're trying to destroy came from the same people who created the Constitution. Separation of Church and State does exist, however, the christian religion is still very much integrated in our culture because that's how our country came about, go figure.

Does that make me religious? No, not necessarily. It makes me appreciative of my country, what the founding fathers worked so hard to achieve that they believed in so much. There's no reason to tear down their work, they fought to give us the rights we have, to give you the right to bitch and moan about how 'hard' your life is.

And know, the rest of us who are patriots, want you gone, but we're being respectful of our founding father's by not kicking you out.

God Bless.

+Changes on the Horizon+

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 06:08:23 GMT

Once again I'm back in my college town, awaiting the beginning of classes and to get back into the groove of walking everywhere and getting my burn calisouses back. Work has already restarted so I can actually make some money again, just in time to pay for rent, cable/internet, food, and any other expenses necessary to live and do well in my college classes.

Don't get me wrong I love that I'm going down this path. This is where I'm supposed to be, this is where I'm meant to be. I love my college job, the classes are enjoyable enough that I don't mind it taking up my entire life. I'm eagerly awaiting completing the next three years of college and becoming a certified english teacher. I like the town I live, but my paranoia is starting to get in my way. Besides that, there's also my compulsiveness, my slight OCD, and the fact I get easily overwhelmed and frustrated.

As I sit in my newly refurbished room I can't help but think I may have overdone things a bit. I have quite a bit of things that are farily sentimental to me and I have them here because it's nice to be reminded of the people who I don't get to see on a daily -- or even yearly basis -- but also I'm slightly worried that since I don't live on campus anymore it might not be as safe. I don't know how many break-ins happen in this town. Granted, it's a pretty small town, but it's definitely a college town. Half the population disappears during the summer. We're all poor college students, I think it's just my paranoia talking. But it's not like I have super cheap things lying around, either. I have a couple hundred dvds, box sets of my more favored tv shows, my desktop and laptop, various nic-knacks that make me happy, piles of books, etc. Some things that just -can't- be replaced from either being too old to ever track down again, or just because it's a one-of-a-kind item...It's probably awfully materialistic of me.

However, I've worked hard for almost all of the things I have, most of the stuff in here was bought with my own money, except the various gifts from family members. And it's not like these are my only concerns, I'm also slightly fearful that for whatever reason I'm going to punk out or get stressed and lose it and quit college. I just... sometimes during last semester and the semester before I felt so overwhelmed with everything and everyone I was going crazy. I just want to do well and get college over with, everyone says it's supposed to be our time to party and have fun. But I'm finding the opposite is true, I usually end up working and writing papers all the time, I work harder now than ever. I go to college full-time and work over part-time but not quite full-time.

Besides that, whether I want to admit it or not there are times I feel quite alone, even when surrounded by friends or coworkers. There are times I just want to be with my family or go home to feel not so alone, but I generally can't. I know it sounds lame, and very much like a child, but there are times I just really miss my parents and older brother.

I'm also rather skeptical about the future, I don't know where I want to live once I graduate. I like the place I live now, but I don't think I'd want to teach here. I know I want to do my student teaching in my hometown in the high school I graduated at, but I don't think I want to live there permanently, either. I just don't know where the wind will take me, and I think that scares me the most. I want to be a teacher, I want to help other kids want to learn, I want to open their eyes and make them think, I want to make a difference, I want that to happen soon. But at the same time, I'm petrified for that moment to come into existence.

I just hope that someday I won't have so many doubts and be so skeptical and paranoid. I hope one day I won't find it so hard to trust people, and I hope one day I'll live up to the expectation that I have for myself.

All in all, I think I'm just having your typical doubts and paranoia of being not quite a full-blown adult and not a kid anymore.

+I'm Human, What Can I Say?+

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:24:05 GMT

I find that being home from college has gotten me to see things from, yet another, new perspective. I hadn't minded my brother's girlfriend at first, let's call her Leslie, shall we? She was nice enough, friendly, and didn't pretend I didn't exist like all but one of his previous girlfriends had. She was pretty enough, if a little lacking in the intelligence region, but he seemed happy so I was glad for him. Thinking about the past couple of years I'd been glad that he found someone who seemed to be good for him.

Now that I am home, and as I came home for an occasional weekend, I was finding things weren't so pleasant in the picture I had painted in my imagination for them. She'd pick fights with him and complain, about nothing. I'd hear them yelling at each on the phone, and her acting ungrateful. My brother struggles to do what he does. He works his butt off just to get by, and she's got to know that, I figured. Maybe they're just having an off day, I told myself.

However, since I've been home she's gotten to be more wicked, spiteful, and ungrateful than I had ever known. I'm finding that girls are expecting way too much out of their guys in general, something I've noted while listening to my friends, as girlfriends. Leslie is being completely ridiculous as of late. She's becoming pro at stalking my brother, she calls the house all the time, when she never used to. She's calling our parent's works looking for him, and hanging up the phone lying it's a wrong number when she doesn't get him. She's demanding more time of him, when he doesn't have very much free time as it is.

I remember coming home for a weekend just hoping to see my big brother, expecting nothing more than playing Mario 64 or Smash Brothers on the N64 with him because I missed him, and because my mom was saying he'd said he missed me. So, I'd find a way home to see him, and right when we were about ready to play some video games like the old days, she'd call and mess it up. She'd be yelling at him about how he doesn't spend enough money on her, and he'd get in a bad mood and he'd have to leave to go talk to her. Leaving me alone, and having only seen my brother for a total of five minutes, four spent listening to him fighting on the phone. And then I'd have to leave after a disappointed weekend of being bored and alone because everyone had to leave for work.

That's when I first started to become neutral about Leslie. I mentioned it in passing to my coworkers, who've now become very close friends. One of them claiming he'd tell a girl to take a hike if she ever said he didn't spend enough money on her. Which I couldn't blame him, I agreed. And I was sad because all I wanted was a lousy hour of time from my brother, which I still don't get.

My parents no longer like her at all. She forces every second of time with my brother and away from his family. My dad is getting fed up with my brother choosing to help her out, over helping him. When my dad is the one who gives him a roof, food, and only asks for help with the yard. My parents help us out a lot, they've helped him out a great deal. They're paying for my college, and soon I'll have my own apartment, they won't have to deal with as many expenses from me. Just college stuff, which I'm hoping to one day be able to pay them back, even if they don't want it. The simple fact is, Leslie is being a leech. She's sucking the life out of him...and taking all his time, energy, and money.

Now, she's worse than ever. She wants to get married to him, yet he never seems happy anymore. I don't want them to get married, she's destroying everything I once loved about my big brother. He's always angry and rude, he's never happy, he breakdowns to our mother crying. He doesn't have money to afford a wife, kids, a wedding ring, an engagement ring, a house... He can't afford any of that. He shouldn't be forced to.

I want my brother to break up with her, she destroying all that is my brother. But I don't know if I have the right to want this. Am I wrong? Are my parents wrong in wanting him to break up with her? Are we wrong for wanting to see him be happy again?

+What Attracts You+

Thu, 28 May 2009 23:02:54 GMT

This is more or less inspired by a message I got from a guy on another website, Tagged. First of all, I have no idea if tagged is supposed to be a dating site, but it sure as heck seems like it. However, when I originally signed up in 2004, it wasn't that at all. I only made an account because all my friends wanted me to, and I had only gone on it maybe five times. Something or other brought me back to it, and I can't exactly remember what. But I just keep finding guys who are hitting on me and know nothing about me. I don't even have my real name posted under it, and yet they try to win me over, which is more than a little laughable. But now I'm getting too much into a different subject all together, this is supposed to be about something I've come to realize about myself.

I am single, but mostly out of choice. However, almost everyone I know are so miserable about being single, they try so hard not to be. I think that's why it's so hard, for so many people. I am single, and more often than not I do enjoy it. I know I don't need a guy to be happy, but it's more than that.

Between my classes and work I don't have a lot of time and I don't think it's fair to ask a guy to be that patient with me. This year has quite literally been insane, when I wasn't in my classes or doing projects for my classes I was working, I had no free time whatsoever.

So, now we have two things. I am happy with being single, and I have no free time. So, where would a guy fit in to any of these situations to begin with? Well, wait, there's more to me than just that.

I find that recently I have some issues, I noticed myself liking guys, but then all of a sudden out of the blue I didn't. Something inside me would be like, 'No, not right for you. Stop liking them, now.' and I would. I can't help but think I'm a bit of a mindfuck, and I don't know how or why. Almost like something in me just clicks off as a defense mechanism, I just push the guys away who I know like me, even if I do care for them back. I just can't get passed that to give a guy a real chance anyway, I can name about three guys who I've liked at some point, all of them are close friends now, and I'm happy with them as friends instead of dating prospects. I don't know if it's the whole friend crush, where you like them as people and so it feels like you actually like them in a more than friend-esque manner...when in reality that's all it is you feel a kinship with them and love them as a friend.

I just feel like such a jerk because in my mind I wasn't leading them on, but I can't help but think in a way I may have. I'd start out being nice to them and then *bam* all of a sudden I'd tease the heck out of them, and be sometimes a little rude. I could feel myself starting to do it, but I don't know why I did it. I guess to push them away, so I'd pull them close and then throw them away. But I'm not sure what caused it, or what it accomplished.

I feel bad for being a jerk (though none of them seem to have thought I was being a jerk) but I don't regret what I did, because I don't necessarily want a relationship, I haven't found a guy I want to have a relationship with yet.

+Big Surprise, There+

Mon, 18 May 2009 07:10:53 GMT

Oh, the Irony... I love how when I'm writing about things that are a little controversial that my internet explorer always freezes up and I lose whatever it is I am writing about. It kind of makes a girl wonder. So, I'll try to rewrite exactly what I said, but my mind is a little fuzzy. I can never write the same exact thing twice. It's slightly problematic, I'm not going to lie. So, here goes;

I find it interesting how certain things always appear and reappear during certain time cycles. I'm not sure how these cycles happen to take place, but they do. They will go out of the public eye for quite a while and then reappear like a light in the stiffling darkness. I realize this is pretty obscure, but bear with me for a few moments.

Here's how this all started, I grabbed an issue of one of my favorite magazines at random and it just happened to be the issue about mystical relics. As if it wasn't random enough that I picked that one up out of the eleven or so issues I have, only to have it come up again a few days later. Anyway, of course along with the Holy Grail, Ark of the Covenant, and Spear of Destiny/Longinus, was the Shroud of Turin.

So, I was flipping through the channels trying to find something on tv that could keep my attention for more than about a second, which is continually difficult as I can't handle brainless chattering. So, I eventually land on the discovery channel on a documentary involving the Shroud of Turin, The DaVinci Shroud.

It was talking about whether or not the whole thing was a hoax. It was discussing whether or not it was all the work of DaVinci and how it was done. Supposedly the new theory is it was one of the first ever photographs. Using a design of davinci's, and soaking a cloth in silver nitrate (it's a light sensitive material) what was used in the first cameras, and then exposed to light which would make the cloth appear to have an image burned into it.

Surprisingly enough, the face of jesus on the shroud happens to match perfectly with the portrait da vinci did of himself as a young man. Also, it matched da vinci's sketch of the perfectly symetrical face ever, as does his self portrait match the Mona Lisa. Which is all fine and dandy, but most of it is still purely speculation. The one thing stopping the acceptance of the hoax or the denile is, of course, the catholic church. Way to go again, Catholic Church. You, for about the hundreth time, fail at life. You can't even let scientists test the shroud for remnants of silver nitrate. You let them carbon date the shroud, but not test it for silver nitrate?

The carbon date is 1260 to 1390 A.D. That's already a long time after Jesus!? How is that not threatening to the shroud's authenticity, but testing it will ruin everything?

What the hell do you care if the shroud is a hoax or not? It was in a French family for years, besides why would you continue to make your people kneel before a false relic? Oh wait, that's pretty much what you're great at. This is why organized religion fails, all you care about is keeping people in control and not about the truth.

+ Obscurity +

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:07:24 GMT

Obscurity is something I enjoy on the internet, if for no other reason than it's my chance to be honest. I make accounts places and don't add my friends in my everyday life because this way I can say the truth. I can say things that I can't say normally, whether I'm just blowing off some steam about a situation or just a place to formulate ideas and opinions.

I'm finding this to be increasingly difficult because for some reason a plague upon my existence keeps finding me on every website, it's not good enough she plagues me in my everyday life. It's starting to drive me bonkers, the girl from +Toxic Love+ keeps finding me places and I'm about to go out of my mind.

Beyond that, she's now in a class with me next semester. Which really rubs me the wrong way because a friend and coworker is in that class with me, and I'm afraid toxic will poison her against me, too. Or at least win her over, and I am really skeptical about that, I just want her to get her own life.

Toxic seems to refuse to leave me alone. She decides to drop out of her major to become of all things, an art teacher. She's known for years I've been working to become a teacher, and as such we have to take similar education classes now. Why couldn't she just stay with her pathetic major of being a dietary nutritionist for athletes? She has an uncanny ability to steal and brainwash all those I hold dear, I don't want to lose my friend I work with. She's nice and sweet, and I don't want Toxic to win her over.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of having to make new accounts just to keep myself hidden in a digital world where obscurity is oh so very rare.

+ Honor vs. Love +

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 23:33:22 GMT

I've just finished Ibsen's A Doll House for one of my classes and there's this one section of Act III that is pretty insightful, even now over a hundred years later. I suppose I should give a quick background of A Doll House before I start, it's about Torvald Helmer and his wife, Nora Helmer. In order to save Torvald's life, Nora forges her father's signature on a loan note, back in the 1800s women could not open loans on their own. They needed a man to be on in case she couldn't make the payments. The dilemma comes into play when Krogstad threatens to out Nora to Torvald and she feels her entire life is crumbling beneathe her feet.

The lines that are inspiration for this;
Helmer: I'd gladly work for you day and night, Nora -- and take on pain and deprivation. But there's no one who gives up honor for love.
Nora: Millions of women would have done just that.

Definitions according to Dictionary.com;
Honor:
A source of credit or distinction.
High respect, as for worth, merit, or rank.

Love:
A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.

I can honestly say I agree with Nora in that statement (One of the few times I agree with Nora and actually like her throughout the play). Women would gladly give up their rank in society for love, without a second thought and in a heartbeat. I know I would gladly, willingly, and without a moment's hesitation. If I had to give up the high respect in which people would talk about me, I would. I'd much rather have someone who sincerely loves me, who I love just as much in return than something silly like honor. I'd defend my love's honor to the death, but mine I could care less about. Say what you want about me...but about my loved one? Beware those consequences.

The sad thing is, this view is less and less common in this day and age. I know males and females alike who care too much for themselves to ever truly sacrifice anything for anyone. Regardless of the kind of love is shared, sure anyone can say they'll do this, but in all reality so few people would follow through on it. All because they're too worried about the way they look amongst the world, their only concern is for themselves. They lie and deceive, denying they'd ever choose honor before love, but when it really boils down to it... It's not love they choose.

In a way, I've already thrown my 'honor' aside amongst my friends for... I'm not sure I can say love. It's too early on for that, but for one I'm quite fond of. They've decided he's not good enough, they tell me I'm too good for him. They don't even know him, I however, do. He's worth it for me, in my eyes he's more than good enough. Which is never enough for the self-righteous like those claiming to be my friends.

I'm just curious, which one would you choose, honor or love? Why?

+ Toxic Love +

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:31:53 GMT

What is it about certain people that makes them so toxic? This is one part of females I've never understood, despite the fact that genetically I am a female myself. It's true I rarely own up to being female, just in the sense my mindset is male in a lot of ways. I can't handle all these mind-games, backstabbing, and petty traits girls carry with them from puberty.

Essentially this is all because of someone who I know. I can't really call her a friend anymore because she's shattered my trust and faith in her as a person, which is something that's almost impossible to gain back from me. So, time for the background information and the long story which this could inevitably become. I met her a couple years ago while we were still in high school, we ran with the same group of friends. She was nice enough, and we ended up becoming friends just from all the encounters we had together. She was always boy crazy, she was always proud, stubborn, and attracted to drama. She'd deny up and down that she loved drama, but yet she was always getting into nothing fights with a mutual friend. They constantly would de-friend each other from myspace, or move them down on their top friends. I never got involved because it wasn't my place and I avoid drama like a plague because there's no reason to be around. I'm a firm believer in people creating their own drama, when it follows you around, chances are you secretly love it.

Inevitably we all graduated high school last spring, and we went off to college. This friend is my suitemate with another mutual friend, my closest friend since sixth grade is my roommate. Since we started here my suitemate has kept to her original attributes, but they've magnified sevenfold. She can't handle not being the center of attention, she hates when any guy isn't paying attention to her. She can't stand me, for whatever reason. Maybe it's because she feels she has to one up me on everything I do. I'm not really sure.

For months she's been doing everything she possibly can to get to me. She's talked my roommate into ditching me all the time. They'll leave to go to lunch when they know I'll be back to our rooms in another minute. They'll leave to go home for the weekend and not even say goodbye or invite me along, just leave minutes before I come back for class. They can't even wait those two minutes until I return to say bye. They say they'll be right back and then be gone for four hours, ironically enough after I've already had to leave for work. And I know, a lot of this has to do with the fact I work all the time, am in classes, or somehow always have more work to do for my classes. I realize I'm the busiest of us, because my parents need me to work and go to school. Which is fine, they have more freetime because we take different classes and none of them have to work. It makes sense that they'd hang out, but when I'm here I'd assume they'd try to be considerate and ask me to go along once in a while, even if they think there's a chance I'll say no. While I'm away she's slowly pulling the one friend who's stuck by my side for almost seven years away from me. She's been working to poison her against me, and she's been trying to make these months miserable for me. But I've never complained to her once, I've let it go and continued on with my life.

I work in food service on campus, the later shifts that most girls don't want. I'm always around guys, I've always been around guys. Therefore I have guy friends and I generally get along with guys better than I do most girls, so one guy in particular I worked with liked me. I went on two dates with him, but am now fairly certain he knows I only see him as a friend. He dropped by to say hi the other night, forgetting I was working. So, he ended up staying to chat with my suitemates for a couple minutes, when she decided to go on a tangent about how I'm mean, but not just sometimes all the time. He made a comment about how sometimes he sees me walking around and I look mad, but he figured I'm just thinking (Note: I have a pretty serious face naturally, it's merely my default face. I can't explain how many times people have asked me why I was glaring at them in a hallway, yet I hadn't even seen them). Her retort was no, she's mean all the time. And continued to complain about me.

I'm not going to lie, I have feelings. I get hurt when people talk about me behind my back, especially when I feel it isn't warranted. I'm not around here enough to be mean all the time, I don't even have an 'all the time'. So, this morning I decided to confront her, I didn't speak to her much at all yesterday, decided to avoid her so I could cool and not flip out at her. I merely asked her why she was telling my coworkers that I'm mean. Her reply was she never said that, she said I was angry all the time. When I said no, that's not what he told me, he very carefully articulated the word 'mean'. She finally admitted yes, that's what she said and that it was said in a light-hearted matter, when her foot got stuck in her mouth. She started trying to make excuses, and said that if I had been there I'd understand. The simple fact is, I wasn't there (Not to mention I have it on good authority by more than one source that she said it harshly, spitefully, and meant every word). I said that I didn't like that she was talking about me behind my back, it made me angry, upset, and really hurt.

So, by then I had to leave for class...that's when she decided to continue to talk behind my back. Saying that I flipped out on her and that I was lying saying she was talking behind my back. She couldn't understand why I'd say that she was talking behind my back (keeping in mind folks, she was talking about this to someone else, without my knowledge -behind my back- and then continued) saying how I'm overreacting. I had no right to say those things and that I was harrassing her. I asked her a simple question. I was calm. I was cool. I was collected. I made sure I did that. Then my roommate decided to interject (again I was still gone) that yes, I was really mad about it last night. I was not mad by then. I was hurt. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when I turned to her and asked if she thought I was mean all the time. She said no and asked me who said that. I said that it was our suitemate and she said it didn't sound like I her. I agreed and said that that was why I hadn't talked to her because I didn't want to say something I'd regret later, and that I was thinking about it all day and that I was mad, upset, and really hurt. How does that translate into being really mad? I acted in maturity to keep myself from acting too brashly and jumping the gun.

Why do people feel they must put words into other people's mouths? This whole situation is really frustrating because I haven't done anything to warrant this, I'm sick of her being so hurtful to me. I don't want to lose a friend I'd had for the last seven years, and I don't want people to talk smack about me behind my back when I can't even defend myself. I can honestly say this girl is dead to me.